


unfamiliar me

by Ironwingedhawk



Category: Iron Fist (TV), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, M/M, Post-Episode: s02e10 A Duel of Iron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 22:36:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16396385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ironwingedhawk/pseuds/Ironwingedhawk
Summary: Danny struggles with his identity after losing the fist.





	unfamiliar me

Danny stares at Ward, as he gets ready. He seems happier here. More settled. Danny is happy for him but for some reason, he is still on the edge himself. Being without the fist, it is harder, than he expected.

“What is it?”, Ward asks. The hotel, they'd spend their night in wasn't really what he is used to but Ward had taken it well. 

“Nothing.”, Danny says quickly. He’d wanted this to be easier. But now, he is without Colleen, without the fist. It is unfair to Ward but he feels lonely. Purposeless in a way. His life had been dictated by belonging to Kun Lun. Then he got the fist and it had still been… the same.

After that, his purpose had been to protect Kun Lun and to defeat the hand. He'd failed at both somehow.

But he had managed, he had Colleen and for a short time Luke and Jess and Matt. Now he and Colleen are the past. Matt was killed at Midland Circle, Luke doesn't text him back for weeks and Jess has never texted him back ever.

He has Ward and he is thankful for that but he has the feeling, he'll screw it up too. That Ward will abandon him. Maybe, when his child is born, maybe earlier.

Danny shakes his head, as he looks out of the window.

“Something is wrong.”, Ward says, and sits down next to him.

_ Everything is wrong. _ , Danny thinks but shakes his head, “Just the jetlag.”

Ward nods but the wrinkles on his forehead betray him. Danny knows, that he doesn't believe him.

“Go ahead downstairs.”, Danny says, trying to sound casual, as if his self doubt wasn't eating him up.

“Fine. But if you aren't there in five minutes, your karate won't save your ass.”

“Kung Fu.”

“Whatever.”, Ward makes a dismissive gesture with his hand.

Danny shakes his head, as he watches him leave for the lobby. He's hungry as hell and even that makes him oddly sad. It's like a reminder, of how he used to be hungry like all the time when he still had the fist.

The hardest part is to figure out, who he is. Is he a New Yorker or a Kun Lun citizen? Is he a son of Wendell or Lei Kung? A brother of Davos or Ward? A fighter or a business man? Up to this point, he always knew but now it's a blur. It reminds him of the great stories of heroes, he heard as a kid. Stories of how they had to find their own paths. But is he really that? A hero. And if so, who is he? Luke Skywalker, he admired as a kid or the pirate queen, whose story he learned to love in Kun Lun. Again it's blurry and confusing. Danny isn't new to that. Actually being confused is something, he grew up with. Confused by business talk between his parents. Confused by Kun Lun, when he first arrived there. Confused by his feelings for Davos.

And now, he is just confused by life. 

At least, he can still trust. He knows, how often he’d been screwed over. Countless times by Davos, by Harold, Lei Kung, Joy and even Ward and Luke to a degree. But he had always been eager to forgive. Maybe, that isn’t such a good attribute as he hopes it to be. It could come back to bite him in the ass any day. But Danny doesn’t really believe that. He loves all of these people still. Well, maybe not Harold but the others… he can’t help but be more than willing to trust them again. He wonders, if that is the reason, he always ends up alone. That he doesn’t select his friends. Jessica pushes everyone away. Thinking about it, she doesn’t seem happier. Danny sighs and picks up a nunchuck from the table under the window. The weapon reminds him of when he met Colleen and when he was still friends with Davos. Back in Kun Lun, they hadn’t been allowed weapons. It had all been about weaponless fights. “The true art”, as Lei Kung had called it. When Danny was punished, he’d used weapons nonetheless. Danny shivers and grabs the edge of the table, so hard his knuckles turn white. He is losing control again. He had been at peace with himself for a short time. Until the fist became his everything and until he lost it.

As the rage and desperation boils over and threatens to swallow him, Danny reaches inside, tries to calm himself. Stillness. It had been easier, when he had thought Luke that. Maybe, he was just a bad teacher but he had learned from Colleen. How to help students without punishment.

Danny calms his breath, and runs a hand down his arm. There is a scar from one of Lei Kung’s punishments. He knows by now, that it was abuse. Knows, that it wasn’t right. He shakes his head, blonde curls flying through the air. He tries to shake off his past. Get rid of it. 

_ I am not my past. _

_ I am not my teachers. _

The fear slowly leaves his body. Danny takes a relieved breath and looks at his phone. Ward has sent him a text. He is waiting for him. Again asking, if he is right. He cares. Someone still cares. He is loved and maybe that’s enough. Because if these beautiful people love him, there must be something to him. Maybe he can not see that himself. Maybe, he doesn’t know himself but they do.

Slowly, Danny reaches for his phone and types a response. 

>One minute. Thanks.

Ward won’t understand the ‘Thank you’ but it doesn’t matter, he doesn’t have to.

Danny walks to the window and looks at the scenery outside. So peaceful. So perfect. Suddenly, a hawk flies by, majestic and free. Danny can't help but smile at that. Maybe, all of his worrying isn't justified. Maybe, he is exactly, where he's supposed to be.


End file.
